Puppy Bowl satire


Lee Randolph

The Puppy Bowl Airs on Super Bowl Sunday every year.

One Sunday a year fans cram together on couches wearing their team colors, they howl and bark for their favorite players. Linebarkers and wide retrievers dart across the field. Puppy Bowl 18 is underway! 

The Puppy Bowl is a time honored tradition for the canines of America. Team Ruff, coached by Martha Stewart and Team Fluff, coached by Snoop Dogg, play against each other every year for the coveted Lombarky Trophy.

TikTok sensation and Sesame Street character Elmo and his rescue puppy Tango had the honor of the coin toss to determine which team gets the toys first, which doesn’t matter because they get the toys at the same time. 

Both teams were tense before the start of this game. Team Ruff was looking to defend their title and Fluff was ready to reclaim the trophy. 

“Team Fluff has been working their tails off this year, plus with Birch on our side there’s no way we can lose,” golden retriever and Team Fluff super fan Ezra said.   

Despite being the smallest dog on the field at only three pounds, Birch, a chihuahua mix, scored twice in the first quarter after a penalty from Team Ruff’s Surf, a poodle and Australian shepherd mix for illegal use of paws to the face. 

“The rufferee made a bad call! Paws to the face is part of the game, just let them play!” Maltese mix and Team Ruff fan Snickers said after the call. 

After three touchdowns, a field goal from Ruff and only two touchdowns from Fluff in the rest of the second half fans were on the edge of their seats for the kitten halftime show.

“I loved the beach theme and the water features this year’s show had,” Snickers said. ‘It was the show of our nine lives.” 

Team Fluff’s Labrador retriever and service dog in training, Kirby made a touchdown immediately after Team Ruff’s dachshund and chow chow mix Conchita’s field goal in the third quarter.

Team Fluff’s poodle and wheelchair user, Benny excited fans with his promising speed in his Pup Close and Personal segment. This excitement came to a head when he scored a field goal in the third quarter. Benny was also voted most pup-ular by fans. 

Team Ruff’s Norwegian elkhound mix, Scout, was penalized after stealing the rufferee’s flag and sprinting around the stadium. Puppy bowl rufferee and human, Dan Schachner, had to chase down the pup and retrieve his flag. 

Both Fluff and Ruff scored in the start of the last quarter. Team Ruff scored one more touchdown as the game came to a close. 

The score was now 69-66 with Team Ruff taking the lead. 

“It didn’t look good for Team Fluff, I was so excited to win again,” Snickers said. 

 Team Ruff’s dachshund and American Staffordshire terrier mix, Chorizo dodged a doggie defender and dashed across the field with only seven seconds to go. 

“The whole room was holding their breath, even Snickers was quiet,” Ezra said. 

Puppy Bowl 18 was over and Team Fluff was victorious.

The Lombarky trophy was awarded to Team Fluff marking their fourth recorded win in history. 

“I was disappointed we lost but my friends reminded me what the game was all about, getting puppies adopted,” Snickers said. “I can rest easy knowing the Puppy Bowl has a 100% adoption rate for the pups involved.” 

Team Fluff fans party in the street and celebrate their team’s victory, another Puppy Bowl has come and gone, and canines and humans alike rest easy knowing they helped puppies find their perfect forever homes.