The amount of people I had to talk out of suicide at age 15 should have been zero. Instead it was three. 

All three had been bullied, harassed or discriminated against at Granite Bay High School and all three of them had to be reminded that someone loved them, and someone wanted them to exist.

The first time Granite Bay High School failed me was freshman year when a teacher told me I was broken and gave me a bad grade because I lined up with the boys and not the girls. 

The second time GBHS failed me was when they got off with a finger waggle and a “Don’t do that again.” 

The third time was when another teacher only discussed queer sex in the context of having AIDS. We only learned about straight sex and I had to resort to the internet to learn about how my own body works. 

Teachers who are allies and afraid to stand up and speak out—I see you and I appreciate everything you do to support us in other ways. I know there isn’t much you can do because the only thing that makes this school tick is angry parents and lawsuits.

The fourth time this school failed me was when a student told me that I will always be a girl and that I was defying nature for being myself. He got a two day suspension after calling me names I don’t dare write here. 

I don’t think two days off from school teaches someone to change an entire schema about a group. I think it makes them hate those people more. 

The fifth time this school failed me is when I had to walk a friend to class for weeks because they were afraid two boys were going to hurt them. They didn’t have video proof or “evidence,” so they felt like no one would help them.

Students who speak out against injustices even though their friends make fun of them for it, I see you. I appreciate the change you have made.   

The moment I knew this school completely and utterly did not care about its queer kids was when a student burnt a pride flag and came back to a classroom that was excited to see him. 

When seemingly no safety measures were put in place for the students who knew what he did and knew he was attacking them, when a statement calling his actions “intolerant” came out a month too late, I knew they didn’t care.

I knew Granite Bay High School didn’t care about me when I sat with a bottle of pills in a bathroom wondering why no one was there to tell me I was loved and that someone wanted me to exist. So, I became the fourth person.