Doesn’t every teenage girl have two brothers head over heels in love with them, no matter how much you get in between them? No? Well, at least in the mind of Jenny Han, they do.  

A perfectly normal response when you’re young and in love and confused is to marry him, obviously.  Marriage isn’t about devotion or a genuine connection; it simply is about convincing yourself you’re in love. And for Jermiah, marriage is about ensuring your brother still doesn’t get the girl.

The courthouse? That’s for losers and lazies, neither of which describes Jeremiah, of course. Despite the courthouse being easy, a wedding paid for with maxed-out credit cards and full of people who don’t love or support you is a much better option. Forced smiles and financial strain just scream romance.

Sure, some people elope at the courthouse, or wait until they mature and graduate college, or make enough money to have the magical wedding of their dreams. But that’s overrated. Because nothing says lifelong commitment like a $5 Shein ring and a thrifted prom, I mean wedding, dress. 

But hey, as long as your child, I mean fiancé, gets his $750 2-tier, 70% cacao, dark chocolate cake with raspberry coulis filling and mirror glaze. Oh, wait, there’s no room in the budget for that. How appalling. 

Frankly, they might as well plaster “Bring boxing gloves and popcorn” across the front of the wedding invitations, for the inevitable fight between Jeremiah and Conrad. It’s not like Jeremiah would bother to look at the invitations anyway, and if he did, it would completely go over his clueless mind.

I mean, even Susannah, Jeremiah’s own mother, would roll over in her grave at the thought of their engagement. But we’re going to ignore that, just like Belly ignored everyone, even her mother, who warned her this marriage would be a bad idea and a huge mistake.

You can cue the Taylor Swift song, since we all know what the lovebird’s wedding vows will look like. Jeremiah will announce, “Till death do us part,” while Belly will pause, glance at Conrad like always, and mutter, “Or, you know, at least until the end of the season” (if that).