With winter break approaching fast, that also means a new semester is close as well. I wouldn’t want anyone to forget how to behave in the classroom during break, so, here’s a reminder on how to act!

1: BE AS LOUD AS POSSIBLE

When you enter the classroom before the bell rings, make sure to not go to your assigned seat. Go over to your friend and sit on the table. Even if the teacher tells you to move to your assigned seat, keep talking and never budge until you’re finished with your conversation. Throughout class, make sure to never let there be a quiet moment; it has to be loud enough so that no one in class can get their work done! 

2: TURN YOUR PHONE UP ALL THE WAY

Depending on the teacher, there may be a “no phones” rule; if there is one, bring your phone out anyways and put your volume at the highest option there is maybe even bring a portable speaker. Also, turn on your ringer for extra noise! Once you’ve done this, either play some music or casually scroll through TikTok, blasting a cacophony of discordant sounds. Once you’ve gained enough confidence, try standing up in the middle of the room and make your friends record a TikTok of you, especially while the teacher is talking.

3: NEVER LET THE TEACHER TALK

As the class settles down for a lecture, be sure to continue your conversation like the instructor is invisible. Make as many interruptions as possible in order to assert dominance. Remember, the teacher does not exist. Plus, be sure that when your teacher is talking to another student about the schoolwork, get the teacher’s attention and call their name multiple times, making a point to interrupt their conversation as disrespectfully and loudly as possible. 

4: WHEN THE TEACHER TELLS YOU TO PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY, DON’T

There may be a chance that your teacher decides to use their perceived authority to tell you to put your phone away: RESIST AT ALL COSTS. Do not give in to this manipulation. Use your previously asserted dominance and argue back. Use the fool proof child’s method; start whining at the highest pitch you can. Act like your hair is being ripped out by force. No matter who wins the argument, you will keep your phone out and you will not stop using it. 

5: CONSTANTLY COMPLAIN

When a teacher wants to take control, a method they will use to enforce it is a seating chart. Do not let this stop you. As soon as your teacher starts to mention working with other people in your class, immediately remind them that you absolutely despise the seating chart, and want to be near your best bud. Another thing your teacher might do is create a late work policy with less credit for off time assignments. Now, if you’ve been listening, you should know that you shouldn’t be doing your work in the first place; but if this rule is added to the class, continue not doing any work on time, and loudly make it everyone else’s problem in the process. Around 2 months after the work was supposed to be due, finish it then. Considering the late work rule, your grade will probably end up being an F. If that’s the case, barge into the classroom and yell at your teacher. They should be embarrassed.

6: MAKE SURE TO NEVER HAVE ANY RESPECT FOR ANYONE AROUND YOU

Remember when your mommy told you that you are her superstar and the light of her life? That applies to the whole world; you are the star in everyone’s life, and the best part of everyone’s day, therefore the most important person in the room. Other people don’t matter. You shouldn’t care how your behavior affects others. Consequences don’t exist; you can do anything you want.

7: BE CONSISTENT

Follow these steps every single day. Be sure to never give anyone a break from your intolerant behaviors and make it so bad that someone in journalism has to write about it.

AUTHOR’S NOTE

Although this is a satire, this behavior actually happens in classrooms at GBHS. It is so disappointing to see the absolute disrespect towards the teachers and students at this school. Of course, there has always been disrespect on this campus but I have never seen it as flagrant as it is now. Teachers help you learn and succeed in life, why in the world would students go out of their way to disrespect them? I understand if some people don’t enjoy school but they need to stop making it even less enjoyable for other people by disrespecting everything around them. No one knows what others are going through, including your teachers, so just be nice. Fake a smile if you have to, just stop being so blatantly rude for absolutely no reason. 

To the teachers, I just wanted to let you know that there are students who appreciate you and we see the hard work you put into your day. There are students who value your time, and we are so happy to have you a part of our day. Thank you for being such wonderful humans.