Gazette, February 2018, Vol. 21, Issue 5
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Gazette, February 2018, Vol. 21, Issue 5
February 9, 2018
Filed under The Gazette
Akhil Shah, sports editor
I was sitting in the barber chair during my bi-weekly haircut at Perry’s Barbershop in downtown Roseville. Yes, I’m the kid with the poofy hair and bald fade. And, yes, I get a haircut every two weeks. Barbershop talk is your average “bro” talk – just guys talking about the biggest games and that insane dunk by Lebron James last night. Of course, you always have that one lunatic who believes the mismanaged Sacramento Kings are legit title contenders. But that’s not what this is about. You see, my last visit was like none other. For the first time in a barbershop, I got agitated, and it wasn’t because my barber messed up my hairline. An elderly lady was sitting across from me, waiting for her grandson’s haircut to be finished. She had a thick, Southern accent, and all she did was go on and on about Michigan getting cooked by Ohio State on national television. That lasted until she began talking about big-name athletes accused of things like sexual assault and domestic violence. Over the past week, her exact words have echoed through my mind nonstop: “I’m a Texas girl, I don’t believe in any of that #Me Too bull. I’m tired of girls not standing up for themselves, just accusing men of these things to get money.” I was disgusted. See, it wasn’t until this year that I understood the magnitude of crimes like sexual assault. The pain, suffering and trauma I’ve witnessed numerous friends and loved ones go through are memories instilled deep within me. So what’s my point? We still struggle to understand these topics. We’re weeks away from the new year of 2019, and a topic so pertinent over the past several years still remains an area of pure ignorance for certain people. Some might say she was just an old lady, and her generation doesn’t understand what ours does. I mean, I’ve heard it from everyone really. “Your generation is the change, Akhil, you guys think differently.” I think so too … but not entirely. Over my four years in high school, I’ve noticed this kind of despicable behavior being perpetrated by young men. This isn’t a generational thing. It’s simply what our society has normalized among young men. In 2018, I’ve had numerous friends and loved ones open up to me and share their stories. Real victims, real incidents and real assaults which should never be discredited by an old lady at a barbershop, who claims women can simply defend themselves in those traumatic times. For all you victims out there, I apologize on behalf of that lady, and the many people who share her unfortunate and ignorant mindset. To anyone who’s reading this who fails to understand why someone can’t simply stand up for themselves when assaulted, let me clarify. For starters, there’s a false assumption among victims and predators that sexual assault is limited to unwanted touching of any nature. According to the United States Department of Justice, sexual assault is “any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient.” From words and actions to comments and touching, sexual assault extends to a wide range of situations. What remains most appalling to me is that victims fail to understand the gravity of sexual assault when they are in that type of situation. I’m no psych major, but if I were to sit down and look into individual accounts of sexual assault and the disheartening details associated with each individual account, it only makes sense that it’s something that a victim would not want to even remember, let alone accept. The excuses associated with sexual assault are astounding. No longer should immaturity or ignorance be used to defend anyone with the audacity to harass or assault an individual. I’m a firm believer in everyone being born with a moral compass. We know what’s right from wrong. We know what we shouldn’t do. I’ll cut right to the chase – typically it’s males indulging in this type of negative behavior, while females end up as victims. I don’t mean to discredit any gender, or anyone who’s experienced this type of traumatic experience. Any gender can be a victim of sexual assault. So regardless of some sickening young men or even grown men not knowing the full seriousness of what they might be doing when it comes to their negative actions and words relating to women, I think they know it’s wrong. It’s quite off-putting, actually. How can any male feel as if he can demean a female to any extent he wishes? I’m not sure what the answer to that question is. There can’t be one. There’s no excuse for sexual assault. Anyone who has degraded women in this manner should be nothing less than ashamed of themselves. Forget about popularity, athletics or how smart you are. Frankly, none of that matters whatsoever when it comes to sexual assault. To have the audacity of taking control over someone’s body in any way to satisfy the sickening needs of an excessively flawed mentality is someone who deserves to be hit with karma for the rest of his life. It’s no mistake or accident. It’s not something you can undo. No matter how sorry you might be, at the end of the day all you created was trauma and fear within an innocent person who meant no harm to you. To the lady at the barbershop – this is what sexual assault creates. This is the magnitude and gravity of the loathsome actions some men partake in. We as a society have the ability to hold each other accountable. How much longer will we allow the demeaning actions some men exhibit to be justified by being raised wrong or simply being immature? I’m still immature. I’m 17 years old. I grew up in a broken family where the women close to me were never respected or treated how they should be. Regardless, I still know what’s right from wrong. To all victims – your voice matters, so let your stories be heard. There will always be that lady at the barbershop who doubts you. And there will always be someone who questions you. Don’t let them stop you from sharing your story, for the good in this world is waiting to empower you on your journey.
Emerson Ford, staff writer
Andrew Yung, co-editor-in-chief
One of the many beauties of being a human is that we are gifted with the ability to talk and converse with one another, teaching and learning from each other in so many ways. However, while the majority of us are extroverts – talkative and outgoing – there are many who are on the other side of the spectrum. I am one of those people – an introvert. It is self-identified, of course, but also seemingly confirmed by the many personality tests I’ve taken over the years. And although I might be in the minority, I am extremely proud of this part of me. It is integral to my identity. An introvert, by definition, prefers to spend time alone in order to recharge their inner being. For instance, as a kid I had always been reserved, but also quite talkative and friendly. Then I moved across the country, and as I adjusted to the new environment, part of me became quieter. As a “quiet person,” I feel that we are, in this overly talkative and connected society, often greatly misunderstood. Other students who I barely knew started confusing this introvertedness for being anti-social, and so my peers ended up thinking that I was genuinely uninterested in talking to them. Later, I even learned from my new friends that they thought I disliked them before I started talking to them. Initially, I could not understand how they could think such a thing. But as time went on and I heard this same comment from more than a handful of people, I realized that, although I may not see it the same way as them, a lot of people seriously do consider conversations as an act of caring and friendship. Conversely, they also correlate silence with indifference and even dislike. This could not be further from the truth. Yes, we introverts might not always be the most engaging in a conversation and often like to keep to ourselves, but most of the time we are simply not participating because we just don’t feel like talking at the moment. It is nothing personal – we just are in a mood where we don’t really want to make an effort to start up small talk. Unfortunately, I’ve also noticed that this reluctance to engage in small talk is what ultimately leads people to label introverts as socially awkward, when really, introvertedness is only being shy. It doesn’t mean that we’re not outgoing or that we don’t like being around people. It just means that we will put more effort into talking and being with the ones that we truly care about. In fact, at least for me, I think the only time I partake in small talk is when I really do like a person. This is because it almost always turns out to become a deeper, more meaningful conversation. And these are the types of conversations we should all be having. Because, really, what’s the point of talking if it’s not for a good reason?
Commentary: Your personal space may be holding you back
Personal space is an important defense mechanism used subconsciously to steer us away from danger – but is also a flexible and not always dependable tool. Your brain programs a zone around your body, like a second skin. When this space is invaded, you will never fail to notice. That feeling in the pit of your stomach or the instinctual pulse of fear you get in tense situations isn’t meant to be ignored. It keeps away the creeps, while also letting you subtly know who you can trust. We learn what socially acceptable behavior looks like from a young age, but the personal space of your friend naturally is not the same as yours. Nevertheless, we must respect everyone’s preferences and realize that there is such a broad spectrum of what people are comfortable with. Growing up with a closer-knit family increases the chance of your personal space bubble being smaller than those of a family who are distant with each other. Having two sisters, for example, has made me become fond of touch and someone who, depending on the situation, likes contact rather than seclusion a majority of the time. I have always believed that physical connection with even just one person has major health benefits. It makes you feel happier, understood, more trusting, loved. Interestingly, there are people who have never cared for human contact, and they are simply born that way. Others are all for it, but then some take a while to warm up to it. Knowing boundaries is an underrated way to understand more about yourself and others around you. It helps us know what to say and how to act toward another person. This is why communication in relationships is so important. Using your words to tell your significant other what is and what isn’t OK is not lame – it is smart and necessary. And they, in turn, should tell you how they feel about certain actions and discuss your preferences. The flexibility of your space bubble is actually astonishing. It can be completely expanded when talking to a stranger, but then comfortably retracted with a close friend or family member. It is not equal in all directions, either. In some parts the force field is toxic, whereas in other areas it is barely there, so close to the skin. Now yes, this self-defense tool is used to keep us safe. But, in non-life threatening situations, it is holding so many of us back. There are innumerable times when it is just too compelling to keep a gap between you and someone you could be close to. We don’t like letting others in. We want to be private – because it means we are safe. A majority of the time, when we shy away from others it is because there is a feeling of doubt toward them with no explanation as to why it surfaced. We want to make it easy for ourselves by saying we should trust our gut, but that is not always the best thinking. Being scared is not necessarily a bad thing, being uncomfortable is not the worst, being unsure is not the end of the world. It’s all part of the process. While it can backfire, pushing yourself to have less personal space will have so many positive impacts on your life. You will feel full, present, more complete, experienced. And while your personal bubble should never pop, it also shouldn’t be large enough to float you up up and away from your friends and family. Put yourself out there. Keep it small by going big.
Commentary: The secret to gift giving
This holiday season, some may wonder what the best gift for their loved one is. Some may even wonder if it is worth spending a months savings or more on a ring, new computer, or bike. Here's the deal… it's probably not. Material items can't last forever. This depends on the person, but if someone were to, say, give me a bracelet, I would likely lose it soon after receiving it. On the other hand, others may cherish the bracelet so much that they wouldn't even dare putting it on in fear of breaking, scratching or losing it. Material items also are not always dependable. Shopping for presents can take all day, and not finding the perfect gift can be discouraging. What about all the hours one can spend shopping trying to find the perfect shirt for a friend, only to realize it is too big on the day of? This, in most cases, can be a huge waste of time and an abundance of added stress. There is a solution to this common holiday stress of gift giving – this year forget the material items. Instead, give the gift of time. Time is something we all want more of. More time to sleep, study, practice, etc. But what about more time together? Sometimes, especially during the holiday season, we forget to spend time with the ones we care about the most. Instead of spending late nights getting last minute deals at the mall, stay home and watch a Christmas movie with friends. Spend the money you would have used at the mall on an ice skating date or a family game night at Golfland under the lights. Make memories with the money you chose to spend, don't buy items. Find something your loved one has always wanted to do or a goal they have. Then spend your Christmas money towards an experience you can create to help them achieve that goal. For example, if they have always wanted to skydive, buy a ticket to I Fly and watch them live out their dream. Or pay for a class that can contribute to the practice needed for their goal. Take your sibling out to lunch or a movie. Spend the day with them instead of friends to make them feel special and appreciated. Plan a day of relaxation for your mom or friend. Pay for a yoga class or trip to the spa. Or you can even plan a day of adventure and buy a disposable camera to capture the moments together. The possibilities are endless. If you can't think of an experience to give, think of a past experience that brought a lot of joy and focus your gift on recreating or remembering that. This is easy to do by creating simple photo books. You can fill these books with pictures and descriptions of the experience to help your loved one remember all the fun they had. Don't limit the options to material items this holiday season. The memories and experiences you create can last a lifetime and, unlike items, they can't be broken, stolen nor lost.
Commentary: Equality is a two-way street
Ninety-six percent of those who commit homicides are men. More often than not, perpetrators of sexual violence are men. And of the 2,000,000 people currently incarcerated in the U.S., 93 percent are men. Lately, it seems that a great deal of tweets and posts generated by young people on social media aim directly at men, too. These posts portray the majority of men as beings who take advantage of all others, willing to gain power by any means necessary – even if it hurts someone else in the process. But if our world is striving for equality among all genders, races, and backgrounds, how can we condemn someone for something out of their control? While men have historically been in a position of power above women, this is finally changing. Women are owners of businesses, leaders of groups, and have a major influence as trailblazers in today’s world. It’s immature for people to put down an entire gender and to make blanket statements is flat-out wrong and unfair. People are jumping to conclusions without knowing anything about the individual. They’re assuming the worst with no consideration. We can’t forget about our brothers, our fathers, our friends, or our teachers. We can’t forget about our grandfathers, our neighbors, our spouses, or our sons. The men I know are kind. They are gentle, they are loving. They are, simply put, good. These men are the ones we look up to, the ones who stand out. And although the gender may have some bad seeds, they are greatly outnumbered by the pure and honest ones. Don’t get me wrong. The acts of these outliers are cruel and sick, and the reactions of those affected by them are completely justified. The outliers need to be held accountable. Still, we must remember the good men who shaped us into who we are today. It’s not fair to generalize most men as toxic and conniving for the acts of a minority. It’s painful to watch those I care about be criticized solely for their gender. I believe the vast majority of people are innately honest, kind, and moral, regardless of gender. The good men bring balance into our world. They bring care and warmth, love and protection. The good men care. We must not spend our time seeking vengeance for inequality, but rather to strive for a world of fairness, equal rights and equal opportunity. To aim for equality, we must all do our part to treat each other in an unbiased way. Anything else is driving us further and further from the objective of true equality.
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